


Eye To Eye

by inner_tempest



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-09-23 03:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17072819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inner_tempest/pseuds/inner_tempest
Summary: Although both Toby and Adil knew that fights were a normal thing in a relationship, it always seemed like something they could avoid, especially after their reconciliation with the whole affair with D’Abberville, and Adil’s suicide attempt…there were much more important things with them, and they had been through so much together that the idea of fighting seemed almost laughable.  But, as with every normal couple, it was bound to happen eventually, whether they chose to acknowledge that or not.  With everything they had been through, things like class and race and fights always seemed to be on the back burner.





	1. THE FIGHT

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter One of my new story! Yay! :D I'm actually going to be working on two at once...we'll see how that goes. XD  
> The format for this one is going to be a bit different, but hopefully fun all around. ;)
> 
> As always, thanks to my amazing beta reader @SzonKlin! She's my favorite.
> 
> And of course, the boys aren't mine. Sad face. But I will play with them anyway.

Although both Toby and Adil knew that fights were a normal thing in a relationship, it always seemed like something they could avoid, especially after their reconciliation with the whole affair with D’Abberville, and Adil’s suicide attempt…there were much more important things with them, and they had been through so much together that the idea of fighting seemed almost laughable. But, as with every normal couple, it was bound to happen eventually, whether they chose to acknowledge that or not. With everything they had been through, things like class and race and _fights_ always seemed to be on the back burner.

The two loved each other. The first time Adil heard Toby say it, he had wept for joy. He had spent so long thinking it was unrequited. And the fact that Toby was able to forgive him for what he did felt like more than Adil deserved. But they had worked through it all…it had taken a few sleepless nights, especially with the Halcyon getting hit, but what they had was stronger than all of that.

It wasn’t that their relationship didn’t take _work_ …because it _did_. Probably more than a regular relationship, if Adil and Toby wanted to be honest with themselves. They were still living in a world where being together was illegal. Even if it wasn’t, there were so many other factors…the class divide, the race divide…things that seemed almost trivial.

It didn’t take long after the Halcyon got hit and Toby saved Adil that Toby had started talking about things that seemed impossible. Adil moving into Toby’s room. He and Adil getting a flat together. Toby voiced, regularly, that he hated the idea of Adil sleeping alone. He just wanted to hold him through the night.

Like a normal couple. The type they would never be seen as. After a while, Toby had stopped talking about it so much, but Adil knew he was still trying to figure out a way to make it work.

Toby could be a dreamer, though…it was something Adil adored about him. If anyone was going to head up the revolution, it was Toby. He wanted a better world so _passionately_ …a world where he and Adil could be more than a secret couple. A world where gender and race and class didn’t matter. A world where the two of them could have…well, the world.

The revolution would come. For now, Toby and Adil had to make do with what they had.

It could get grating at times…and could certainly lead to some trying times.

That night had been a rough night to start with. Adil’s landlord had informed him earlier that he would be raising his rent, which meant he would have to pick up hours and _still_ have less money to send to his family. He was in a rotten mood from the start. It didn’t help that Toby’s mother seemed to be trying to set him up with _another_ rich girl and Adil had to watch them at the rebuilt Halcyon bar all night. Toby looked to be in a bad enough mood from that.

And watching Toby’s mood darken, Adil wasn’t paying as much attention as he should have been, and he accidentally knocked over the girl’s glass. She had shrieked a bit unnecessarily, making sure none of her drink had ended up on her dress. “You idiot!,” she had scolded him cruelly, followed by, “I suppose this is what we get for giving good English jobs to colored people!”

Adil knew Toby couldn’t come to his defense right there, and he had petulantly ignored the apologetic look Toby had sent his way. The whole affair just made things go from bad to worse.

For both of them.

It was obvious that with everything that happened, how their days had went, how they had to deal with the girl Toby was supposed to be entertaining and charming…Toby and Adil would both be on edge, though it was one of those things neither of them would admit to. Both men could be extraordinarily stubborn at times…especially when it came to this sort of thing.

Of course, there was always that hope that being together would solve anything and everything. And the majority of the time it certainly did…but sometimes, it was beyond that.

Both Toby and Adil were secretly thinking this was one of those times.

It didn’t mean they weren’t going to _try_.

Tray of coffee in hand, Adil went up the staff stairs to Toby’s room after his shift. He always needed some sort of prop like this, all part of the charade that he and Toby had to live their lives around. He was looking forward to just being in Toby’s arms, his lover making it all better, even if just for a little.

It was all so ridiculous at times. Sometimes Adil wished he could read his lover’s mind. On nights like this, it would be insanely helpful.

Adil knocked on Toby’s door, trying to calm himself. When Toby opened it, his face looked weary, but he lit up when he saw his lover. They gave each other little smiles as Adil entered, setting the coffee down and pulling Toby in for a kiss. Maybe tonight wasn’t going to be as awful as Adil anticipated. With Toby kissing him like that, it felt like they could just talk through everything that happened and have a nice, romantic night together.

“I thought tonight would _never_ end,” Adil said softly.

“You and me both. That girl was a _nightmare_. Hearing all about her frilly life-”

Adil let out a harsh laugh. Toby’s complaints seemed almost absurd to what Adil was dealing with. On a normal night, Adil might not be so bristly, but right now, Toby’s words were rubbing him the wrong way…it was like sometimes he forgot he was a part of that society as well. Of course, he had his differences, what with his and Adil’s secret relationship, but Adil was still the one _serving_ drinks. “What about what she said to me?”

“Well you can’t expect everyone to just…” Toby trailed off when he saw the look of utter disbelief on Adil’s face. “What?”

Adil was staring at Toby, face turning hard. “I know you couldn’t defend me right there, Toby…but the least you could do is-”

“If you’re about to say _apologize_ …”

The two glared at each other. The feeling in the room was dark, and the tension could be cut with a knife. “And how were _you_ going to finish that sentence?” Adil demanded. As much as he didn’t want to hear it, he knew something ugly was coming. “I can’t expect everyone to _what_ , Toby?” there were a million things that Toby could say there, and Adil was starting to think he wouldn’t find any of them acceptable. “Accept an Indian barman?” he started with. “Ignore the color of my skin?” Adil’s voice was rising slightly, though he tried to keep quiet as he could. “Forget the fact that I’m _beneath_ you?”

Adil wasn’t the type to get angry. He rarely raised his voice, rarely felt the need to express his feelings in such a way. But right now, he _was_ angry. It had been a bad enough day, and now Toby was acting like this? He was beginning to feel like no matter what Toby said, it was going to infuriate Adil.

“Oh, come on, Adil! You can’t!” Toby’s voice had an edge to it. Obviously Toby felt he was in the right…like that was just their lives and they had to have their places. And although that was true to a certain degree, they both knew it wasn’t like that at all.

But the fight was bringing it out.

“Your life is just as frilly as hers is, Toby. You loving me doesn’t change that much,” the words tasted ugly to Adil. He didn’t want to be having this fight. Not now. And Toby _did_ live a very frilly life. They both knew it. Toby would always be on the outskirts in his own way, but on the surface, he was still one of _them_.

Toby crossed his arms over his chest, eyes narrowed. He hated when this sort of thing came up. Of course, it was usually on a lighter note…laughing about how strange they were as a couple…how much it _didn’t_ matter. But right now…it _did_. “I never said it did, Adil! All I’m saying is that some people don’t see it like that. You should _know_ this by now!”

“You think I’m _not_ aware of it? What I’ve heard people say? _Your_ type of people, Toby!” all the frustration Adil felt on a regular basis was coming to the front now. He had learned to deal with a lot, but he never thought that would include his lover.

“ _My_ type? You think I’m just like them, then?”

“I never said that!”

“You called them _my_ type!”

“I shouldn’t have to sit down and explain the class difference, Toby. I know it isn’t always easy for you, but there’s a difference. You have no idea what it’s like to barely scrape by sometimes…to have to work more and more extra hours just to have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. You live a cushy life in a cushy hotel with everything you need. You’ll never have to decide which meal you’re cutting out for the day, or wonder if you need to find a smaller and dingier room because you might not be able to afford the small and dingy one you have now. So stop acting all high and mighty because you’re fucking the Indian barman!”

Toby’s jaw dropped. For a long couple moments, it was clear he had no idea what to say. “Well if it’s that big a problem…” he finally said coldly.

“I have much worse things to worry about than some self-pitying aristocrat,” Adil said, just as coldly. He picked up the tray of coffee he had brought in. “Believe me, I get enough of that with my job. I don’t need it from the man I love, too.”

Toby just stared at Adil, feeling tears filling his eyes but willing them not to fall. With Adil’s words, he was beginning to feel extremely guilty. Because he _knew_ his lover was right. But Toby could be stubborn, too. He didn’t necessarily want to admit that he had been wrong. Because he _had_ been. “Adil-”

But Adil’s eyes were on the ground, and he marched out of the room, letting the door shut _maybe_ a little too loudly behind him. He didn’t care. He just didn’t have the energy, and he wasn’t going to hang around and wait for it to get worse.

***

Two days had passed since Toby and Adil’s fight, and they were both feeling it. Toby was avoiding the bar, though he always sat at a table with a direct view of his lover, oftentimes just staring at him, trying to catch his eye. Adil remained much colder, refusing to acknowledge Toby and his glances. Of course, they were both privately and painfully missing each other. Toby wanted to apologize, he just didn’t know how. Adil was right, of course. He usually was. Toby had an easy life, not just because he was born into money. He was a white male, the type of person in the world who held all the power. And he _knew_ he would never understand what Adil went through. To be in this society as an Indian man…knowing that money was tight, but he would never be anything less than fiercely independent.

Toby hadn’t felt this hollow in a long time. He supposed, in a way, he had always thought he and Adil were invincible. After everything they had been through, he had thought they were… _above_ this. Soulmate wasn’t a word that Toby would use, but he knew he and Adil would spend their lives together.

Their lives were completely different. But they were together for a reason. They _loved_ each other.

The third night since their fight, Toby finally worked up the courage to go sit at the bar. He didn’t want this to go on any longer. He had his plan…he’d tell Adil to come up to his room after his shift at the bar and they could work everything out. And even if Adil didn’t want to see him…never wanted to see him again…Toby wasn’t going down without a fight. He cared about his lover far too much for that.

“What can I get you _Mr. Hamilton_?” Toby could hear the ice in Adil’s words. Hearing Adil call him _Mr. Hamilton_ in that tone was like a knife to the heart. It made him remember a little too clearly the last time Adil had called him that in a tone other than the one he normally had to use at the bar, and what had come of it. Sure, he always called Toby Mr. Hamilton at the bar, but there was always a hint of teasing in it. Hearing it like that sounded so sour to Toby’s ears. But Toby tried to push past the pain, knowing he had to be the one to fix things. This was all his fault, anyway. There was no one around them paying any attention, so Toby leaned in a little closer.

“Please come upstairs after your shift,” Toby said softly, his eyes pleading.

“I can’t,” Adil said, looking down at the ground as if he didn’t want to see the look on Toby’s face. And maybe he didn’t, Toby thought.

Both men knew that sort of thing would be a game changer. Whatever game they were currently playing.

“You mean you _won’t_ ,” Toby said desperately.

“I have a lot to think about, _Mr. Hamilton_.”

Hearing Adil say that again made Toby want to break down and cry. The tears he seemed to have been holding back since their fight were threatening to spill again. The way Adil said his name…the cold, professional demeanor he was wearing right now…it definitely couldn’t be a good sign that his lover as acting this way. Using Toby’s title in a way that he was sure Adil knew was getting to him. And Toby was pretty sure Adil knew _exactly_ what he was doing…what he was saying. Maybe Toby was just being paranoid…but he was pretty sure Adil had a lot more control over the situation than he did.

_Mr. Hamilton._

Adil was feeling just as lost as Toby was. Having to keep up this façade was exhausting. As angry as he was, he hated doing this to his lover. But there was far too much going on in his head. He just needed a moment to breathe…though breathing was getting harder and harder without Toby in his life.

As for Toby…he had never wanted to hear his name like that coming from Adil’s mouth again. Not after…

Toby felt a bubble of panic rise in his chest as he tried to process Adil’s formality. Adil was never like that. Even when they had to play their roles at the bar, both were furtively playful. No one would be able to tell except them…it was something they always had fun with. But there was no playfulness in Adil’s words. Toby was feeling more and more choked…could this really be the end to the precious thing they both held so tightly to? It seemed so unfair that a fight could do that…and such a silly fight, at that! But Toby knew there was a lot more to it all than their fight.

“Well…maybe tomorrow?” Toby asked hopefully.

Adil just shrugged, turning away from Toby and to a customer a few seats over waving for him. He saw the pained expression on Toby’s face as he turned, and it was almost enough for him to go back to him, say _of course_ he’d come up after his shift. The look on Toby’s face broke his heart. He didn’t ever want to see a look like that on his lover’s face…and it was all his fault.

Adil did have a lot to think about. It wasn’t like he wanted to _break up_ with Toby. Not at all…it would probably be the end of him. He just wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it all in the first place. It had been a nasty fight, but he missed Toby. He missed those arms around him, those perfect lips, the way his body felt around him.

The problem at the moment was that he wasn’t sure whether he was more angry at Toby or himself.

But he realized it wasn’t even about that. Because _obviously_ Toby didn’t care that he was an immigrant barman. They had been together long enough and through too many trials for Adil to know that one. And yes, Toby had said some thoughtless things, but neither of them would ever _fully_ understand the other anyway. Their lives were so vastly different and it sort of just…came with the territory. Toby couldn’t change who he was any more than Adil could change who he was.

They had both been in bad moods. Adil knew he had had a bad day, and it sounded like Toby’s hadn’t been the easiest either. They hadn’t heard each other out. They had fought. And now they were both punishing themselves for it.

“Barman! Barman!”

Adil looked up, realizing he had gotten lost in thought right as he had been taking a drink order. Toby was giving him a sidelong glance. He had noticed, too. Adil didn’t necessarily _want_ Toby to see that, to notice it. It was a sort of…vulnerability. Adil was much better at putting a mask on than Toby was…it was something Adil had to do every day for his job. And although both men knew they were both suffering, Adil didn’t want Toby to see that. He was the controlled one. Toby was far from it.

Adil threw himself back into his work, finally just refusing to look at Toby. To go near Toby. He knew if he did, the floodgates would open. That he’d promise to go up to Toby’s room after his shift. Sacrifice his thinking time, the time he needed to figure out how to fix this. Adil knew this couldn’t be the end. But they would have to find a way to meet in the middle. Be open and ready to talk about it.

Watching Adil, Toby knew all he could really do was sit and pray. He was never much of the praying sort, but he was feeling so _stuck_. He watched Adil as his lover worked, feeling close to crying again. He knew that as soon as he got back to his room, the tears would start to fall. It had been like that the past few nights…something so out of control for Toby. He hated that he couldn’t help any of it. And it was such a ridiculous fight that they had had. Toby knew that…and he was sure Adil did as well. Couples fought sometimes…it was just a fact of life.

Watching Adil working just brought so many feelings to the surface, especially since Toby could tell Adil was avoiding him. All of it…not a glance or asking for a drink order or anything. Adil was hurting just as bad as Toby was. But it was driving Toby crazy. He wished he could just hop over the bar and kiss Adil until they couldn’t breathe.

Perhaps Adil just needed some space for now. Adil was like that.

But Toby knew Adil would come back to him…he would…he _had_ to. They were in love. They had been through so much already. There was no way this fight could be the end of it all.


	2. ADIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever! Two and a half weeks ago I ended up needing an emergency appendectomy and was completely out of commission for a good week. I'm still recovering, but I'm more in the functioning state of things now.
> 
> My beta reader @SzonKlin is amazing. I couldn't do this without her!
> 
> Boys are not mine, blah blah, usual disclaimer.

Adil’s day started with a knock on the door midmorning. He opened the door to see his landlord there…something that was never a good sign.

“Yes, George?”

“Rent goes up next month, Joshi. Seven percent.”

Adil stared in disbelief. “ _What?_ Nobody wants to stay in London…and it’s not exactly prime real estate around here.”

“Well that’s just how it goes.”

George gave a nod before shutting the door, leaving Adil with a quiet panic.

Sitting heavily on the edge of his bed, Adil dropped his head into his hands. He barely made enough money as it was, between rent and food and sending what he could to his family. Even _time_ was limited with work and still getting to see Toby. Now he’d have to pick up extra shifts…or learn how to stop eating.

The only thing keeping Adil from completely breaking down was knowing he’d get to be with Toby after his shift. Being with Toby always made it better…though Adil would have to exercise _some_ caution. He knew Toby would approach the rent thing as a jumping point for some of the impossible things he had been obsessed with lately. Adil moving into Toby’s hotel room. The two of them getting a place together. Things that just couldn’t _really_ be done. But Toby could be a dreamer…though in all fairness, it was something Adil adored about his lover.

But even the promise of time with Toby couldn’t completely quash Adil’s worrying. He paced his small room for hours, trying to figure out the situation and working himself into a worse and worse mood.

Adil wished he had someone to talk to about it. Someone who could understand. For as much as Adil loved Toby and would talk to him about everything, this was a certain type of struggle his lover would never be able to understand. And Adil hated putting Toby in that position.

Toby, who would do anything for Adil.

Toby, who would always try to fix things.

Adil could think of a million ways Toby would try to step in, other than trying to convince Adil to move into his room or getting them a flat. Adil could already picture Toby going to Mr. Garland about raising Adil’s pay. Or begging Adil to take money from _him_.

Adil didn’t have much, but he had his dignity.

Adil had spent so long fretting that he lost track of time. When he finally looked at his watch, he realized that he had just enough time to get ready for work. He was immensely grateful he noticed when he did…the last thing Adil needed today was to get in trouble for being late. The thought of dealing with Mr. Garland or Ms. Garland brought up a whole other wave of panic.

Quickly getting ready, Adil tried to take some deep breaths. He knew that he had to remain professional for work; not let the rest of his stressful life get in the way of things. The man knew he was lucky…he had gotten quite good at compartmentalizing. Besides…in a little over six hours, he would be in Toby’s arms. Adil could rant to him, let out all the emotions that he had to bottle up for now. Toby would hold him and find one way or another to comfort him. It was what Toby did.

And although there were times where Adil still felt like he didn’t deserve Toby, after everything that had happened, he couldn’t deny that he felt safest in his lover’s arms. They had worked through it all. Right now was bordering on one of those times. Sometimes Adil just felt like Toby could do so much _better_ than Adil. Even if he found an aristocratic man to hide in a relationship with…not someone who was scared about what meals he would have to cut in order to afford his life.

Every time it came up, Toby just scoffed at it. He didn’t care that Adil was staff…that his skin was a different color…that they weren’t in the same social class. And they had worked through everything that had happened with Mr. D’Abberville. Toby promised Adil that he was all he ever wanted. There was no one in the world he could ever spend the rest of his life with.

Those were just some of the reasons why Adil knew Toby would help him get through this. Toby was always there to make bad days better.

Getting over to the Halcyon a bit early, Adil figured he would work on stocking. He had neglected it the day before, and it was enough of a mindless task for now that he could not worry about anything else. As he worked in the liquor stores, Adil was surprised to look up and see Mr. Garland.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Garland,” Adil said politely.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Joshi,” Mr. Garland said with one of his tight smiles. “We have some important guests coming tonight…please make sure you stock up well.”

“Of course, Mr. Garland.”

Adil hated important guests. They usually involved Lady Hamilton throwing some well-bred woman at Toby. It was always torture to watch that, knowing there was nothing either of them could do about it. No matter how dismissive Toby was with the women, they never seemed to notice. Nor did they ever seem to notice the looks he gave Adil. That was probably for the best, though.

“I hear Lady Hamilton thinks this one is a perfect match for Mr. Hamilton.”

“Why so?”

“Something about a foolish and bookish nature.”

Adil frowned deeply as he heard the maids gossiping in the lounge area. And here he had been so sure this day couldn’t get any worse.

“You know why _I_ think Mr. Hamilton isn’t engaged or married yet?”

“Another ridiculous theory?”

“ _I_ think he’s a…” her voice lowered. “A _homosexual_.”

The one maid laughed. “You let your imagination get the best of you. Mr. Hamilton may be a bit odd, but he’s not one of _them_.”

Adil couldn’t help but smirk slightly, already wanting to have a laugh with his lover about what he had just overheard.

Of course, as it was, Adil had a lot to prepare for that evening. He took the time to properly stock up for the night, trying to keep his nerves under control. It was a fact that he’d have to see this girl at the bar with Toby. Even the promise of Toby’s discreet flirting and sly glances wasn’t helping Adil much. Because the girl would still be there, trying to become Mrs. Toby Hamilton.

It was an endless parade. Adil still feared the day Toby would be forced to choose. Of course, when he had voiced that fear while the two men were curled up in bed one night, Toby had just yawned and said, “That’s when we run away together.”

The night started like normal. Toby was nowhere to be found, which meant he was being forced into dinner. Which also meant he’d already be slightly intoxicated when he got to the bar.

Adil turned his concentration to his work. As much as he just wanted to think about Toby, there were other guests to serve. The man put on his best bartender smile, trying to push aside everything else.

No one was any wiser.

When Toby staggered in an hour later trailed by a mousey brunette with big wire rimmed glasses, he and Adil’s gaze met and Toby gave a quick wink…though he didn’t look very happy otherwise. He made sure they sat on Adil’s side of the bar, which lifted Adil’s spirits a bit.

“Mr. Joshi,” Toby greeted him with a sly smile.

“Good evening, Mr. Hamilton,” Adil replied, holding back a chuckle. “What can I get for you and your guest tonight?”

“Just a bourbon for me.”

“I’ll have a martini,” the girl said with the same smile Adil saw on every aristocratic girl who came through.

The night progressed, and Adil had to listen to the girl chattering away at Toby, a forced smile never leaving Toby’s face.

“And I just read the most _divine_ book. _The Man Who Loved Children_ …have you read it?”

“No, I don’t believe I have.”

“Oh, it was _wonderful_.”

Toby just nodded, looking over at Adil with a wink. Adil almost laughed, knowing that Toby was concentrating a lot more on him than this girl, but he just gave a sly smile in return. No one would be able to see any of it…Adil and Toby had long since passed the point where they weren’t discreet. They knew what they could and could not get away with.

“Mother says you’re quite the academic as well,” the girl continued.

“I suppose so,” Toby shrugged. “In my own way.”

“We have a _wonderful_ library in the country house,” the girl pressed on. “You _must_ visit sometime. You would love it.”

“Er…yes, of course,” Toby said impassively. His mood was getting darker and darker as he downed drink after drink. Adil had seen this many times by now, and he knew Toby’s mood was just going to keep going like this.It worried Adil more than a little. A drunk and dark Toby was never a good thing. Thinking about this was probably why Adil lost his concentration, accidentally knocking over the girl’s martini, spilling it over the bar counter.

The girl shrieked unnecessarily, first looking to her expensive dress to make sure her drink hadn’t spilled all over it. “You idiot!” she scolded Adil cruelly. Adil felt his face flush with shame, avoiding looking at anyone for the moment. He looked up just a fraction, seeing the girl at least slightly satisfied that her dress wasn’t ruined. Through her circular glasses, her eyes narrowed as she looked over Adil. “I suppose this is what we get for giving good English jobs to colored people!”

Adil felt sick to his stomach at these words. He glanced at Toby for a second before looking away. He knew that Toby couldn’t come to his rescue right there, but Adil wished he could. Wished he _would_. But Toby just sent him an apologetic look which he pointedly ignored.

Adil was sure there was more attempted conversation between the girl and Toby after that, but all he heard was a slight buzzing in his ears. He worked as normal, having trained himself too hard to let his emotions get the best of him right there, but he had spent his break crying in the wine store anyway. All Adil wanted was to be in Toby’s arms. They could talk about it all and then put it behind them…being the two people in love that they were.

Of course, Adil felt a heaviness thinking about the girl. He was well aware of the fact that Toby couldn’t do anything right there. Well, he _could_ , but it would have looked very strange. It was building up emotions that Adil didn’t know how to deal with. How he wished that things would be easier!

All he had to do was make it to the end of his shift.

Tray of coffee in his hands, Adil climbed the staff stairs to Toby’s room. He had learned long ago that having a prop was extremely useful when it came to going up to his lover’s room. There were a lot less questions when Adil could just say, “Mr. Hamilton required room service.” It had only taken a few times sneaking up to Toby’s room to discover _that_ one.

So Adil prepared himself, taking deep breaths before knocking on Toby’s door. _So_ ready to be inside where the two could just be two people in love. Where nothing else mattered.

Toby’s weary face brightened as soon as he saw Adil standing there. The two exchanged little smiles as the door was shut and Adil set down the tray, pulling Toby in for a kiss. The other man’s lips made Adil feel like everything could be solved with just that. That the two of them could fix it in no time and end up having a nice night after all.

“I thought tonight would _never_ end,” Adil said softly, feeling more and more the full weight of everything that had gone on that night.

“You and me both. That girl was a _nightmare_. Hearing all about her frilly life-”

Adil was slightly appalled and let out a harsh laugh. Toby’s life was just as frilly as this girl’s…as any of the girls his mother paraded past him. He had had his entire life handed to him on a silver spoon. And yes, he was much better than most about these things…he wouldn’t be with Adil otherwise, but sometimes Toby forgot he was just as privileged, just as much a part of the society as any of the rest of them. Finally, Adil spoke with disbelief. “What about what she said to me?”

“Well you can’t expect everyone to just…” Toby trailed off. Had he just noticed the look on Adil’s face? Had he finally realized just _what_ he was saying? Was this going to be the turnaround? Adil would very much like that…though he should probably have known better. “What?”

Staring at his lover, Adil felt his face turn to stone. “I know you couldn’t defend me right there, Toby…but the least you could do is-”

“If you’re about to say _apologize_ …”

The men glared at each other, all hopes of making each other feel better forgotten. Adil’s rage was burning hot, and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. “And how were _you_ going to finish that sentence?” Adil finally demanded, voice chilly. “I can’t expect everyone to _what_ , Toby?” Toby didn’t get it. There was no possible way he _could_. And no matter what he tried to say to finish what he had started, Adil knew he wasn’t going to like it. “Accept an Indian barman? Ignore the color of my skin?” with each suggestion, Adil’s voice rose, though he knew he had to keep quiet. “Forget the fact that I’m _beneath_ you?”

It was extraordinarily rare for Adil to get angry, especially like this. It just wasn’t who he was. But at the moment, he was _incredibly_ angry. He’d had an awful day, and now his only escape was just making it worse.

“Oh, come on, Adil! You can’t!” Toby was obviously so sure he was in the right. Adil just wanted to scream at him for how much of an arse he was being.

“Your life is just as frilly as hers is, Toby. You loving me doesn’t change that much,” the words tasted ugly and bitter. Adil should know by now that none of these things were black or white, but the anger he was feeling was just so intense. Why couldn’t Toby see what _he_ was doing?

Toby crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. This was always a rough conversation topic, but usually it was the two of them on the same side…working through what they had to go through, laughing about how strange they were as a couple…how they had somehow surpassed all that. It pained Adil to see that maybe they hadn’t completely surpassed it after all.

“I never said it did, Adil! All I’m saying is that some people don’t see it like that. You should _know_ this by now!”

“You think I’m _not_ aware of it? What I’ve heard people say? _Your_ type of people, Toby!” all the frustration Adil felt on a regular basis was coming to the front now, probably fueled by the general bad day. He had learned to deal with a lot, but he never thought that dealing with this sort of thing would include his lover.

“ _My_ type? You think I’m just like them, then?”

“I never said that!”

“You called them _my_ type!”

“I shouldn’t have to sit down and explain the class difference, Toby. I know it isn’t always easy for you, but there’s a difference. You have no idea what it’s like to barely scrape by sometimes…to have to work more and more extra hours just to have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. You live a cushy life in a cushy hotel with everything you need. You’ll never have to decide which meal you’re cutting out for the day, or wonder if you need to find a smaller and dingier room because you might not be able to afford the small and dingy one you have now. So stop acting all high and mighty because you’re fucking the Indian barman!”

Toby’s jaw dropped. Adil scrutinized him as his mouth opened and closed a few times, clearly unsure of what to say to all of that. “Well if it’s that big a problem…” he finally said coldly.

“I have much worse things to worry about than some self-pitying aristocrat,” Adil said, his tone just as cold. He picked up the tray of coffee he had brought in. “Believe me, I get enough of that with my job. I don’t need it from the man I love, too.”

Adil could see tears in Toby’s eyes as Toby stared at them. And Adil could feel tears pricking at his eyes as well. He wouldn’t let them fall. Not after this. He didn’t want to give that much to Toby. “Adil-”

Adil lowered his gaze to the ground, marching out of the room, letting the door shut just a little too loudly behind him. He could feel his arm shaking, the coffee clattering slightly against the tray it was on. He didn’t care. He just didn’t have the energy, and he wasn’t going to hang around and wait for it to get worse.

***

Adil had never realized just how _long_ two days was until his fight with Toby. Because by the second day, the weight of it all was almost unbearable. And the worst part was that he had no idea what to do about it. Adil would see Toby avoiding the bar but taking seats in eye line, trying to coax something out of Adil. But the barman still felt something of a cold fury. He wanted to work everything out with Toby. Make it better. But there was just too much going on in his head.

So Adil remained cold as ice, ignoring the man he loved and his glances. And every time it was like a knife in his heart.

What was he waiting for, anyway? Perhaps an apology? Perhaps everything in his head to sort out? Adil didn’t know, and the not knowing was _killing_ him. All he wanted was to be back with Toby.

This couldn’t be the end. Adil and Toby were meant to be together.

Adil felt empty. He was going through the motions, trying to figure out what to do. Where to go next. And he worried about what would come out of his mouth the next time he and Toby spoke. Adil was a thoughtful man, and he tried to be careful about his word choices, but even he had his moments.

It was the third night since their fight, and out of the corner of his eye, Adil saw Toby sit at the bar. His heart was pounding. What was this? Was he ready to forgive Toby?

Adil took a deep breath, keeping his icy demeanor. “What can I get you _Mr. Hamilton_?” his tone was cold, and using that tone to call Toby by his name almost made him burst into tears. It had just slipped up, and Adil was starting to second guess being a thoughtful man. He didn’t _want_ to be treating Toby like this. It hurt Adil beyond words…and he could see it was doing the same to Toby.

“Please come upstairs after your shift,” Toby said softly, eyes silently pleading with Adil.

“I can’t,” Adil blurted out. So much for being a thoughtful man. He looked down at the ground…he couldn’t see the look on Toby’s face. Adil knew it would break him.

This back and forth was getting heavier and heavier.

“You mean you _won’t_ ,” Toby was trying so hard.

Adil felt the tears welling in his eyes and was determined not to let Toby see. Besides, he was at work. He shouldn’t be behaving like this…having this conversation at all. “I have a lot to think about, _Mr. Hamilton_.”

There it was again. Adil almost choked over his words. He suddenly felt so weary, so lost. He had no idea why he was acting this way towards the man he loved. And while he supposed he did have _some_ things to think about, most of it wasn’t stuff he couldn’t work through in a conversation with Toby.

Adil was punishing someone. Himself? Toby?

Breathing was getting harder and harder. Like there was a tight binding around his chest. Adil wanted to turn around and go back on his words. Of _course_ he would go up to Toby’s room after his shift. What in God’s name was he _doing_?

“Well…maybe tomorrow?” Toby asked hopefully.

Adil felt the tears welling again, shrugging and turning away from Toby to a customer a few seats down waving him over. He saw the pained expression on Toby’s face as he turned, and it almost broke him. Forget going up after his shift, he was going to grab Toby across the bar and kiss him senseless right there.

He just needed some time to get through everything in his head. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d go to Toby and they’d figure it all out. Adil was angry. He was dealing with heightened emotions in general…probably a bad idea to go see Toby like this. Adil had to get back to his base level.

The fight had been absolutely ridiculous. Class differences, hard moments in a world where everything Adil and Toby were wasn’t allowed…it would take a lot more to break them. Toby wasn’t like the rest of them. Adil _knew_ that. He had just been so _furious_ and already _spent_ from his day.

They had fought. And Adil was starting to wonder if Toby was punishing himself just as Adil was punishing himself.

“Barman! Barman!”

Adil looked up, realizing he had gotten completely lost in thought in the middle of taking a drink order. He flushed slightly, especially when he saw Toby giving him a sidelong glance. Toby had obviously noticed Adil’s moment…Adil didn’t _want_ that…letting Toby see how vulnerable he was right now. Adil was the controlled one. Toby was frenzied energy. It made them work together so well, but right now, Toby was looking deep into Adil’s soul…something Adil wouldn’t mind most of the time, but not now.

With a deep breath, Adil threw himself back into his work, finally just completely avoiding Toby. He was already on the brink of tears…that would definitely push Adil over the edge. He didn’t know how to do this. He just had to keep going.

Tomorrow. It had become something of a mantra. Adil wouldn’t let this go on any longer than he had to. He just…needed some space for a day longer.

***

Clocking out was more of a relief than ever before. Toby had sat at the bar until last orders, discreetly watching Adil. No one other than Adil had noticed, but Adil knew the look of Toby’s eyes on him, even if he didn’t actually see his lover.

 _Tomorrow_ , Adil thought to himself on his walk back to his flat. _Tomorrow we’ll fix things._

There were terrible thoughts running through his mind. Things he had been pushing away until this very moment. What if there _was_ no fixing it?

But Adil couldn’t think like that. Not after everything he and Toby had been through. He refused to give up on the love they shared. When he really thought about it, this was _so_ trivial. They had been through much, much worse and still come out on top. Adil just had to remember that every time the darker thoughts edged their way in. He knew Toby was just as aware.

_Tomorrow_ , he thought as he laid in his bed, tears dripping down his face, praying for sleep. _Tomorrow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and kudos and comments! You guys rock my world!


	3. TOBY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, so sorry this one took ages. I haven't had much free time to get it done...but here we go!
> 
> @SzonKlin legit saved this chapter.
> 
> Boys are not mine. I just like playing with them and that's that.

Lady Hamilton had told Toby the night before that they would be hosting some old family friends and their daughter. He was to spend time with her, because Lady Hamilton had heard that Dorothy was quite lovely, and she was sure Toby would find her so as well. Lady Hamilton had even, faux off-handedly, mentioned that she was quite bookish and smart. A _perfect_ fit for Toby.

Just another nightmare of an attempt at pairing Toby up with someone.

It was times like this when Toby hated the world they lived in. How badly he wanted to scream at his mother… _I’ve already found someone! I love him and we’re going to spend our lives together!_

And aside from the very real threat of jail were Toby to do that, Lady Hamilton would lose her mind. In some ways it was laughable…Toby Hamilton, spending his life with an Indian, a member of the hotel staff member, a _man_. His mother would probably have a heart attack.

So he’d be polite and proper with this girl, just as he had been raised to be. He’d entertain her like his mother wanted him to…sit and talk with her at dinner and in the lounge afterwards. At least once they entered the bar, Toby could sit at the bar and be near Adil. His lover’s presence was something to be grateful for, even if Toby couldn’t take his hand or even just stare at him all night. The two of them had learned little ways to ease things. Fingers resting over each other’s as Adil passed over a glass. A slight smile that Toby knew was meant for him and only him…that smile was much different than the smile everyone else got from Adil. It had taken time, but they had gotten damn good at what they did.

And then, of course, just a few short hours later, Adil would knock softly on the door to Toby’s room, carrying a tray of coffee or bourbon or whatever the prop of the night was. They’d decompress together, make love, be wrapped up in sweet kisses and whispered _I love you’s_. Everything else would just…go away.

Toby didn’t know much about these family friends. His mother had mentioned Toby had met them before when he was young. According to Lady Hamilton, he and Dorothy had had so much fun playing together as children, and she was quite sure the two of them would get along just as well as adults. _Who knows_ , she had said faux nonchalantly. _It could be love at first sight!_

 _Love at first sight._ Toby had just pouted, inching slowly down the chair he was sitting in. _Let me ask my lover about that one._

Instead, Toby just said to his mother petulantly, “I don’t believe in love at first sight.”

Lady Hamilton gave him a _look._ “Well perhaps Dorothy will change your mind. I do worry about you so.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, Mother.”

“You’re out there, so alone…”

“I don’t need anyone right now,” Toby played with his signet ring. “I’ve got much more important things to worry about,” he hated the words. They tasted bitter in his mouth, as he so badly wanted to yell from the rooftops about the man he loved. The only person in the world for him…that could make him happy and complete.

“Spend some time with Dorothy,” Lady Hamilton pleaded. “I’m so sure you’ll like her very much.”

There was certainly no fighting it, and Toby was well aware of that. He tried to convince himself it didn’t matter. He’d deal with Dorothy for a few hours and once she was gone and the night was over, he’d fall into bed with Adil. They’d laugh about it, joke about everything Toby had dealt with and everything Adil had seen. How ridiculous it all was. How much they loved each other, and how they would show it.

“Yes, of course, Mother,” Toby finally replied. “It will be my pleasure,” he added dryly.

“There’s no need for that tone,” Lady Hamilton said dismissively.

Toby gave a noncommittal, “Mmm,” before excusing himself from his mother’s room.

Playing his part, over and over again, was exhausting. Toby hated it. He hated the women his mother threw his way, done up, well-bred woman after woman. Obviously, he had absolutely no interest in any of them, no matter how much they batted their eyelids at him, trying to get him to fall under their spell.

Dorothy wasn’t going to be any different from any of the other ones. Toby knew that already. Lady Hamilton always found _something_ about the women that made them the “perfect” match for Toby. In some ways, Toby was somewhat surprised his mother hadn’t figured out that he had no interest in women. They were all pretty, of the same class…a perfect partnership, yet Toby turned them all down. Sometimes he wished he knew what was going on in his mother’s head. Maybe it was just a case of…willful denial. Or any sort of denial. It wouldn’t be a surprise.

Working at his desk in his room, Toby completely lost track of time. It was only when his mother burst into his room that he realized.

“Mother! What have we said about knocking?”

“Look at you, Toby…you’re not ready in the slightest! Come, let’s find you a nice outfit.”

Toby sighed, organizing his papers and sliding them into his briefcase. “I’m perfectly capable of dressing myself, mother.”

Lady Hamilton threw her son a glance that clearly said, _We both know that’s not quite true._ She went over to his closet and started sorting through suits.

“Mother, this is humiliating,” Toby said, cringing. “Please, just-”

“This is a nice one,” Lady Hamilton laid out a suit and bowtie. Toby almost laughed when he realized which one she had pulled out…it was one of the few suits Toby owned that fit him correctly, and it was Adil’s favorite suit on him. Whenever Toby wore it, his lover couldn’t take his eyes off him. Discreetly as he could of course.

Toby looked at the suit, an amused smirk on his face that Lady Hamilton either didn’t notice or chose not to. “I suppose I’ll wear that one, then,” Toby said, still trying not to laugh.

“Get ready, Toby. We have to get down to dinner soon.”

And with that, Lady Hamilton left Toby’s room, not hearing her son’s soft chuckle.

***

Dorothy Hunter was a mousey girl with circular wire framed glasses. Definitely the bookish type, though certainly not one to forget her opulent life. She seemed very excited to meet Toby, to spend time with him…which of course meant talking his ear off. Toby supposed he would be able to get a word in, but he really had nothing to say to the girl. She spoke of books, of learning, of teaching. Things she wanted to do after the war, how scary it was being in London and she wanted to go back to their country house…perhaps Toby would like to visit her there. It was a glorious estate, and the library was to _die_ for. Dorothy had been told Toby was also a reader. An academic.

Toby just nodded, made appropriate noises at appropriate times. Occasionally he would say things. _Oh yes, I enjoyed that book as well…I suppose being in London is quite scary at the moment…I’ll have to come out to the estate, then. I do love a good library._

He also probably went a bit overboard on the wine. Until dinner was over and he could be in Adil’s presence, it seemed like the best solution to dealing with Dorothy. Maybe in another world, Toby would find her appealing. They did have some things in common, things that, in another world, would be good to build a relationship on, but in this world, Toby had absolutely no interest.

Toby’s mood was getting darker and darker every moment. Every so often he’d look over to his mother. She was definitely watching him and Dorothy and seemed quite satisfied with how the night was going. Toby figured she wouldn’t feel that way if she _really_ knew.

After dinner, Toby went right for the bar, Dorothy trailing him. He caught Adil’s gaze and gave a quick wink, though he was sure he looked absolutely miserable otherwise. Toby made sure to sit on Adil’s side of the bar, something they both seemed to need at the moment.

“Mr. Joshi,” Toby greeted his lover with a sly smile. He couldn’t help the way his heart jumped in his chest every time he saw him.

“Good evening, Mr. Hamilton,” Adil replied. Toby could tell he was holding back some laughter…it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, though Toby was pretty sure he was the only one who could actually tell. Not that he minded or anything. “What can I get for you and your guest tonight?”

There was so much Toby wished he could say…wished he could do. Watching Adil from the other side of the bar was such a reminder about their “places” in the world. Toby would never be able to bring the man he loved out for a drink…Adil would never be his guest in a posh place where they could dress fancy and be _themselves_.

But he couldn’t think like that. Instead, he gave a slight smile. “Just a bourbon for me,” Toby finally said.

“I’ll have a martini,” Dorothy said. Toby gave her a sidelong glance, remembering what he had to do about all this. Just for tonight…until the next one came along.

With their drinks, Toby tried his hardest to keep Dorothy entertained. It was something he had gotten quite good at over the years…the women his mother threw at him were really all the same. They talked, Toby listened, pretending his was interested, pretending the required time and dances and drinks meant something to him and he would call on them again. In some ways, Toby was quite surprised Lady Hamilton hadn’t figured him out yet. Especially as time went on and he still hadn’t found a woman and his interactions with the barman were getting less and less discreet.

Toby tried to bring himself back to the present where Dorothy had started talking about some book or other. Every topic that came up with Dorothy at the bar was exactly what she had already prattled on about during dinner. As if she had nothing else to talk about…or perhaps she wanted to hammer her points home. There was more talk of teaching, more talk of books. Toby was having an even harder time paying attention than before…which was saying something.

“And I just read the most _divine_ book. _The Man Who Loved Children_ …have you read it?”

“No, I don’t believe I have.”

“Oh, it was _wonderful_.”

In a different world, Toby would probably be a bit more interested in it all. The girl did seem quite smart and clever, even if she did speak of all the same things all the time. If he was someone other than who he was…but then he glanced up at Adil and he remembered why it didn’t make a bit of difference. Toby gave his lover a wink, and the corners of his mouth turned up in a sly smile as he saw Adil trying not to laugh.

“Mother says you’re quite the academic as well,” the girl continued.

“I suppose so,” Toby shrugged. “In my own way,” it wasn’t something he often talked about, as it always seemed to be a disappointment to his mother. No matter what Toby did, or how proud he was of it…he saw the way Lady Hamilton would look at him. It didn’t matter to the man that his suits always hung a bit funny or his fingers were often ink stained and he’d rather spend his time reading than with other people (aside from Adil, of course). Oh, she put on a spectacular show about how smart Toby was, but that was all it was…a show.

“We have a _wonderful_ library in the country house,” the girl pressed on. “You _must_ visit sometime. You would love it.”

Thoughts drifting for a moment, Toby tried to count how many country houses women had invited him to.

“Er…yes, of course,” Toby finally said impassively. His dry tone was quite unnoticed by Dorothy, but the look he got from Adil proved his lover wasn’t falling for it.

It was like a storm cloud hanging over Toby’s head. And the drinking certainly wasn’t helping. In some ways, Toby wanted Adil to tell him to stop. Find a way to make things better in the moment, even though he knew there wasn’t much Adil could do about it. But Toby also noticed his lover was slipping slightly too.

Knocking over Dorothy’s drink was a mistake…one that Toby blamed himself for, as his lover was certainly paying more attention to him than to his own elbows.

Dorothy let out an unnecessary shriek, first looking at her dress, Toby assumed to make sure nothing had spilled on it. Socialites and their fancy clothes. “You idiot!” she said cruelly to Adil, who looked like he wanted to evaporate on the spot. Toby wanted to do something…he wanted to say something. Anything. But he knew he couldn’t…not without drawing attention to his and Adil’s relationship. “I suppose this is what we get for giving good English jobs to colored people.”

Toby felt the bile rising in his throat as the woman spoke to Adil like that. It was wrong. And although he was sure there was _some way_ of coming to Adil’s rescue, he felt pathetically unable to find it. There was certainly no winning. Toby caught Adil’s eyes for just a second, sending his lover an apologetic look that Adil petulantly ignored.

Toby supposed that was only fair.

“Toby? Toby?”

Toby looked over at Dorothy. “My apologies,” he said softly, looking down. “Is your dress alright?”

“Yes, nothing spilled on it. Honestly, though, any good English man would be much more careful…much more suited to such a job.”

“Mr. Joshi is an exemplary employee,” it was all Toby could think to say. “Anyone could have made a mistake like that.”

It wasn’t _enough_. Toby knew he should be leaping to Adil’s defense, be the knight in shining armor. But he was a coward at times, and the idea of putting his and Adil’s relationship on the line with some misplaced words scared him senseless. Especially since Toby knew it would end up worse for Adil. If anyone was to figure them out… _again_ …well, things with Mr. D’Abberville had been bad enough. And there were so many _other_ bad ways it could go.

Toby would go to the ends of the earth for Adil. He’d make it all better later.

After finding himself wanting absolutely nothing to do with Dorothy any longer, Toby plastered on his best apologetic grin. “I’m so sorry, Dorothy, but I need to take my leave. I’m rather tired after a long week, and I would just like some rest.”

“Oh, of course,” the girl grinned. “Mother says you do very important work for the War Office. It must be exciting, though tiring too, I’m sure.”

“Yes, very much to both,” Toby said.

“We’ll have to arrange a visit to the country.”

“I would like that very much,” Toby replied dryly. The silly girl didn’t notice…and she obviously had no idea how many times Toby had been over this all before.

Toby headed up to his room, taking in deep breaths. Entertaining women was _exhausting_. He couldn’t wait for Adil to finish his shift, to come upstairs…as Toby changed into pyjamas and pulled on his robe, he grabbed a book, attempting to read but not doing too great a job. All he could think about was holding his lover in his arms, making everything from earlier _better_. Toby would make up for it all, clear the air and allow both himself and Adil to move forward from that night.

When he heard the soft knock on his door, Toby jumped up, yanking open the door to see Adil there, coffee in hand. Toby felt his tired face brighten as he looked at the man he loved, making sure the door was locked as Adil came into his room. Adil pulled him in for a kiss…Toby’s favorite place to be with his arms around his lover and their lips pressed together.

“I thought tonight would _never_ end,” Adil said softly, leaning heavily against Toby. Toby held the other man close. He would always be there to catch Adil.

“You and me both. That girl was a _nightmare_. Hearing all about her frilly life-” Toby felt he had a case too, but cut himself off when he saw the look on Adil’s face. His mild-mannered lover looked completely appalled at Toby’s words, and let out a harsh laugh. Toby wasn’t sure what he had said to deserve that, but by the look on Adil’s face and his tone of disbelief, Toby realized he was going to be finding out what he had said…what he had done.

“What about what she said to me?” Adil demanded.

“Well you can’t expect everyone to just…” Toby trailed off. He didn’t like the way Adil was looking at him. That look, so out of place on the man’s schooled face. Like he was dealing with a nasty patron and not his lover. “What?”

It was getting worse. Adil looked stonier than Toby had ever seen him look before. “I know you couldn’t defend me right there, Toby…but the least you could do is-”

“If you’re about to say _apologize_ …”

The two men glared at each other. Toby had been so sure that things were going to end up _fine_ that night. That they’d get over all the nonsense that had plagued them downstairs and just enjoy the time in each other’s company. Being in each other’s arms had always helped them. Even when things felt like they were at their worst. It seemed odd like something was too much for that. But Toby and Adil could both feel each other’s anger…the tension in the room.

“And how were _you_ going to finish that sentence?” Adil finally asked in a tone that scared Toby senseless and chilled him to the bone. “I can’t expect everyone to _what_ , Toby?” Toby was trying to understand, he really was. He couldn’t see how he was in the wrong. This was the society they lived in. Toby did what he could, and it certainly wasn’t always easy, but what Adil was asking for seemed so…Toby wasn’t entirely sure. “Accept an Indian barman?” Adil continued angrily. “Ignore the color of my skin?” with each suggestion, Adil’s voice rose, though he knew he had to keep quiet. “Forget the fact that I’m _beneath_ you?”

Toby wasn’t sure he had ever seen Adil this angry. But seeing it was making _him_ feel angry as well. It wasn’t fair, anyway! Adil had been a part of this world for long enough to know there was a lot more to it all.

“Oh, come on, Adil! You can’t!” Toby exclaimed, as if that made up for it all. The way he saw it, Adil really should know better.

“Your life is just as frilly as hers is, Toby. You loving me doesn’t change that much,” Adil said stonily.

Toby supposed Adil had a point with that, but it wasn’t something he wanted to actually admit to. It didn’t seem fair to him, and he didn’t like the way the words sounded coming from Adil’s mouth. They were ugly, and every word stung.

Toby crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes…as if that would do anything at all between the two of them. It wasn’t like they had never had this conversation before, but usually they were on the same side with it all and working through it even when it seemed impossible. This was beyond impossible…Toby had no idea what it all meant. Maybe things weren’t as settled as Toby thought.

But he continued to try. “I never said it did, Adil! All I’m saying is that some people don’t see it like that. You should _know_ this by now!” why was Adil being so stubborn? Why couldn’t he just _see_?

“You think I’m _not_ aware of it? What I’ve heard people say? _Your_ type of people, Toby!” hearing Adil call them Toby’s type just made Toby feel even worse, even angrier. He didn’t see himself like them. He hadn’t _before_ Adil had come into his life, and he certainly hadn’t since then. 

“ _My_ type? You think I’m just like them, then?” Toby asked angrily. That wasn’t him. Adil _knew_ that wasn’t him. So why was he even suggesting it?

“I never said that!”

“You called them _my_ type!”

That seemed to be it for Adil. Toby realized he had hit the trigger a little too late.

“I shouldn’t have to sit down and explain the class difference, Toby. I know it isn’t always easy for you, but there’s a difference. You have no idea what it’s like to barely scrape by sometimes…to have to work more and more extra hours just to have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. You live a cushy life in a cushy hotel with everything you need. You’ll never have to decide which meal you’re cutting out for the day or wonder if you need to find a smaller and dingier room because you might not be able to afford the small and dingy one you have now. So stop acting all high and mighty because you’re fucking the Indian barman!”

It froze Toby in his tracks. He hadn’t meant for it to come to that. Any thoughts of being right vanished, and all he could think about was how _right_ Adil was and how much of a jerk he was being.

But Toby could be stubborn, and he didn’t want to admit it right away. And in his anger, it took some time to find the words. “Well if it’s that big a problem…”

“I have much worse things to worry about than some self-pitying aristocrat,” Adil’s words were just as icy as Toby’s. He picked up the tray of coffee he had brought up. “Believe me, I get enough of that with my job. I don’t need it from the man I love, too.”

It was like a knife to the heart. Toby could feel the tears filling his eyes. How had it come to this? It was so _wrong_ , so…not them. Toby stared at his lover, his brain whirring as he tried to figure out how to fix this. “Adil-”

Adil marched out of the room, the door shutting loudly behind him. Toby just stared at the door, the worst feeling in the pit of his stomach. He and Adil had been through too much for this to happen. Toby considered calling after Adil, even running after him and just taking him in his arms. But he knew that wouldn’t do a damn thing to help. Maybe they just needed some time. This couldn’t possibly be the end…Toby knew that much.

***

Two days was a long time. Toby had never realized just _how_ long two days were until he was going two days without Adil. Toby avoided him at the bar, but always sat within eyesight of his lover. And he had no way to fix it all, something that was just as painful. Toby had always prided himself on being smart, on being able to sort things out. Apparently matters of the heart were a lot harder than a math problem.

On top of it all, Adil was ignoring Toby. He knew the other man was.

They had to find a way to make this work. Toby wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Not after everything the two of them had been through…not with how much he loved Adil. The two men were meant to be together…no one could ever convince Toby otherwise. He just had to…figure it out.

It was a lot harder with how empty he was feeling. Going through the motions. Trying to force his brain into giving him an idea…any idea.

The third night after their fight, Toby finally went to sit at the bar. He caught Adil’s gaze.

“What can I get you _Mr. Hamilton_?” Adil said, his tone pure ice. Toby could feel the tears pricking his eyes. Hearing his lover call him _Mr. Hamilton_ always hurt but hearing it in that tone killed him inside.

“Please come upstairs after your shift,” Toby pleaded, hoping Adil could see the pain he was in.

“I can’t,” Adil blurted out. He looked down, and Toby was working his hardest to blink back the tears.

“You mean you _won’t_ ,” Toby said sadly.

There were tears welling up in Adil’s eyes as well. Toby could tell that Adil didn’t want him to see, but he saw anyway. “I have a lot to think about, _Mr. Hamilton_.”

The knife in Toby’s heart was being pushed in deeper, twisting around. He wished he knew what was going on in Adil’s head, but at the same time, he was rather afraid of it.

This couldn’t be the end.

This couldn’t be the end.

“Well…maybe tomorrow?” Toby asked hopefully.

Toby could see tears welling in Adil’s eyes again before he turned to serve someone else. Adil didn’t want him anymore. Adil didn’t want to be with Toby anymore. That had to be it.

It seemed so ridiculous that this could be the end of everything they had.

Toby heard someone calling for Adil, his lover lost in thought. He gave him a sidelong glance…Adil had never gotten lost in thought at work. Apparently Toby was messing that up too. He watched as Adil worked, as if in a completely different world. There had to be some hope…Toby wasn’t ready to give up that easily. Not now, not after everything else they had gone through.

***

He’d give it until tomorrow. If Adil didn’t come up to his room, Toby would find another way to talk to him. The two of them had been through far too much to let something like this mess it up.

Laying in his bed, Toby stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep and unable to help the tears falling down his cheeks. Tomorrow he’d make it all better. There was no way he was giving up that easily on this.

“Tomorrow,” Toby said, tasting the word in his mouth. Yes…tomorrow was a new day, and another chance to fix things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments (and for sticking with me!)


	4. EYE TO EYE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toby wished he knew what was going on in Adil’s head. But Adil was the one who could read people…Toby didn’t exactly have that gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Wow, all done. XD  
> Sorry this took so long. My life has been extremely busy, and the past week when I thought I'd have time I got the flu and wrote absolutely nothing. -_-  
> But now I've finally finished up.
> 
> As always, thanks to my beta SzonKlin. She's amazing and keeps me sane. ^^
> 
> And of course, the boys are not mind. Sad face.

Toby sat at the bar again that night, hoping beyond all hope, but trying _not_ to hope at the same time. Even if Adil did come up to his room, he might not hear what he wanted to hear. Adil could use this as an opportunity to end things with Toby.

Toby wished he knew what was going on in Adil’s head. But Adil was the one who could read people…Toby didn’t exactly have that gift.

Adil poured a bourbon for him, sliding it over and letting his fingers brush Toby’s hand. He wished he could say more…reassure him that it was going to be okay. That he’d be back in his arms by the end of the night. But he couldn’t say all that. Hopefully his small motions and eyes conveyed his thoughts. Toby looked at Adil, eyes filled with hope. Adil took that to mean he was getting the idea. “I finish at eleven,” Adil said softly.

The smile on Toby’s face made everything worth it again. It was obvious he was terrified, but he had read Adil’s signs. “I’ll be waiting,” he said softly.

It was busy that night, but Adil still noticed Toby slipping off around ten-thirty. Adil was slightly jealous Toby got more time to prepare for it all than he did. As much as he was able to keep things under his neutral face, Adil couldn’t deny his fear in many ways. As soon as his shift finished, Adil grabbed the good whisky and put it on a tray, taking the staff stairs up to Toby’s room. He knocked softly, smiling at Toby as the door opened.

Adil had barely put down the tray when Toby pulled him in for a deep kiss, holding him tight. He took a moment to lock the door before cradling Adil close again. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “For what I said…and what I _didn’t_ say. And for being a self-pitying aristocrat. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Adil held Toby close. “It was just a miserable day, and I shouldn’t have let all that get to me.”

The two locked eyes. It was clear that they were both blaming themselves for everything that had happened. But it really wasn’t just _one_ of their faults. Everything that had happened had come from both of them, and everything getting fixed would have to come from both of them as well. Secret couple or not, Toby and Adil both knew that was just how these things worked.

“I love you,” Toby kissed him again. He didn’t ever want to stop kissing Adil. “These past few days have been hell. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Toby,” Adil smiled. He took Toby’s hand, leading him to the bed. “Can we talk?”

It was reassuring in many ways. Even after everything that happened, the two men wanted to fix things. They were both _willing_ to fix things. Both Toby and Adil knew there was no one else in the world more important than them. They were going to talk and kiss and make love and remember how to navigate everything for the next time they fought. Fights were inevitable. But in the end, Toby and Adil’s love won out.

Toby nodded. “We _should_ talk,” he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Adil down beside him. He put his arm around his lover, and Adil buried his face in Toby’s shoulder. “What happened?”

In spite of everything, it was so very _Toby_ to ask about Adil first. Adil had no idea how someone who had grown up so spoiled and privileged could be so selfless. “My landlord raised the rent. I’m going to have to work a lot more to afford it and food and to help my parents. I’m…a bit scared about all that. And then that girl was-”

“That girl was completely out of line. What she said-”

Adil took a deep breath and squeezed Toby’s hand. “I just hear a lot of that, Toby. Sometimes I start to wonder if it’s true. Like there’s nothing about me that belongs here. I’ll never fit in…it really _could_ be true if other people can see it so clearly.”

“Of course it’s not true, Adil.”

“You can’t say that, Toby.”

“I absolutely can.”

Toby was gazing intently at his lover, challenging him to fight such a statement. Adil deflated slightly. He knew exactly how Toby could get. How sometimes he just had to let Toby have his way.

Even if Toby hadn’t fought for him before, he was now.

“It doesn’t take away from the rest of it,” Adil said, barely above a whisper. “The rent-”

“Adil-”

“And I’m sure that woman is going to report me-”

“Let me help you-”

“ _Toby_!”

The tone shut Toby up. He looked down at his lap. “I know how independent you are, Adil…but sometimes you have to let people help you. People who love you. Let me help.”

“I don’t want a _handout_ , Toby. And there’s nothing even _you_ can do if that woman decides she wants to say something about what happened.”

“It wouldn’t be a handout. Just-” the two men locked eyes. “Just some help. Isn’t that what happens in relationships anyway? As for Dorothy…I’ll find a way to take care of that, if it comes to it,” Toby looked down, wanting to explain his side as much as he could without sounding too stuck up. “Besides, what I did was wrong…I owe you so much more,” Toby said softly. “I was so frustrated with mother trying to set me up with that girl. As if that could be anywhere near as bad as what you were going through. I’m sorry I let my privilege get in the way of everything.”

Adil searched Toby’s eyes, unsure of what to say. He hated the thought of Toby giving him money because they were in a relationship and Toby _could_ give him money, especially since Toby felt he owed him something. Toby owed Adil nothing…he gave him everything he needed with his love. But this was Adil’s whole life…they had never had _much_ , but they always had their independence and integrity. Adil prided himself on following in his parent’s footsteps like that. And he was quite sure Toby knew that, at least to some degree.

He thought of that awful woman from earlier. Would Mr. Garland, or even Lady Hamilton have Adil hand in his notice if she reported him? And even if Toby insisted he could handle it, what could he _actually_ do in the long run? Though it had been a few days since everything that had happened…despite his fears, it seemed unlikely he would be reported at this point. There was always a chance, but as Adil thought about it logically, it was highly unlikely.

Toby was staring at Adil, face etched with concern. Adil realized how caught up in his own head he had been.

Seeing Adil so lost in his own head, it pained Toby that things came to this as he watched his lover, trying to figure out what was going on in Adil’s head. Toby would do anything for Adil, anything at all, and he hated seeing what his lover was going through. Adil wouldn’t just take money from him, Toby was completely aware of this. He just had to find a way to help Adil without it being so obvious.

Toby knew Adil would fight him on the idea of getting a flat together. And there were definitely a million reasons why that _wouldn’t_ work…reasons that Toby would stubbornly ignore. In his own secret way, it was one of Toby’s dreams. Although they could never live as an “actual” couple out in the open, they certainly could in the safety of their own home…if they _had_ a home together. Toby could get lost in that dream forever…eating meals with Adil, curling up in bed together every night, fresh coffee in the morning.

“Adil?”

Adil looked up at Toby, eyes silently inquiring.

“We should get a flat together.”

Adil gave a humorless chuckle. It had been some time since Toby had brought that up, but he should have known it would come back at some point. “You know there’s no way to make that work, Toby.”

“Of course there are ways to make it work, Adil. We’re smart, we could figure it out,” his eyes were wide. “Think about it?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

When Toby gave Adil those eyes…used that tone of voice…it was hard to say no. Adil would do anything for his lover, they both knew it.

Maybe it wasn’t as bad an idea as Adil had it worked up as in his head. Though Toby could certainly be a dreamer. For someone who worked so hard in facts and figures, he was a romantic at heart. And the way Toby looked at Adil, the way he pressed his case forward, Adil couldn’t help but feel it a little bit too.

Every time the flat came up, every time those words came from Toby’s mouth, the more Adil actually believed it could be a possibility.

“I’ll think about it,” Adil finally. “ _No promises_ …but I’ll think about it.”

Toby looked triumphant anyway. “Okay. I’ll let you think about it.”

Closing in, Toby took the smaller man into his arms, kissing him deeply. “Think you can make do with this for now?” Adil teased slyly.

“You’re in my arms…I think that’s all that matters,” Toby laughed. He nuzzled Adil’s neck lightly. “I don’t ever want a fight like that again. Promise me we’ll never fight like that again.”

“We’re bound to fight sometimes,” Adil said softly. “But let’s not let it last this long again. All fights are solved before bedtime.”

Toby’s face lit up and he gave the toothy grin that always knocked Adil off his feet. “I love you,” Toby said, kissing Adil. “We can make this work…just like we’ve made everything else work,” he kissed him again. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” each ‘I love you’ was punctuated with a kiss.

Adil laughed. “I love you too. I know…I know fights are just something that happens with all of this…we just have to communicate.”

“I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did. I was so furious at that girl for saying what she did…furious at mother for trying to set me up with someone so _horrible_ …I should have said something right then. Her being ignorant was no excuse like I made it out to be. I can’t imagine living the life you do, Adil…but I will always do everything in my power to make it better,” Toby cast his gaze downward. “And the whole rent thing…I’ll find a way to help… _not_ a handout,” he hastily tacked on. “I don’t want you to be worrying about that sort of thing.”

As much as Adil had no idea how this was all going to work out, he trusted his lover. Even though he had been furious at him before, feeling Toby’s arms around him, his soft words and soft kisses and overwhelming outpouring of love, Adil felt more and more like they _could_ take on the world in their own way.

So wrapped up in his thoughts, Adil didn’t notice that he had started crying until Toby was wiping away his tears. “Stop,” he laughed, but Adil could see tears forming in Toby’s eyes as well. “You’re too pretty for tears.”

“Oh, shut up.”

They were both laughing now, both crying and holding each other tight.

“I _am_ sorry I didn’t say something to her right then,” Toby said softly, looking into Adil’s eyes. “I should have. Not just because you’re my lover, but because it would have been the right thing to do. I shouldn’t have let her get away with that.”

“Stop talking about it now, my love. We both know you couldn’t have done that, Toby, and it’s over,” Adil added with a slight smile. “Besides, your mother would have been furious if you stood up to a woman she was trying to set you up with over me.”

Toby sighed softly. “I hate this society. I wish things like that didn’t matter,” he kissed Adil lightly. “Someday we’ll have a better world…I know we will.”

Adil chuckled softly. “I think that’s asking for a lot.”

“The sad part is that it shouldn’t be,” Toby kissed Adil lightly again. “But no matter how horrible I can get…because I know I _can_ get horrible, don’t _ever_ forget how much I love you. I don’t care about your skin color, or the class difference, or any of it. I look at you, Adil Joshi, and just see the man I love.”

Adil felt tears swimming in his eyes again. “You’ll be heading up the revolution, won’t you?” he teased.

Toby laughed. “With you by my side.”

“I love you too, Toby.”

They leaned in to kiss at the same time, starting off gentle but allowing it to become more heated. Toby moaned softly into Adil’s mouth as he felt his lover’s tongue run along his bottom lip, letting him into his mouth. Adil pushed Toby back onto the bed, crawling on top of him. They could feel each other’s passion, the touching and intimacy that they had both been missing the past few days. They kissed slowly, deeply, hands roaming and starting to remove clothes.

Adil pulled back slightly, nuzzling Toby’s neck. “I don’t ever want to live without you, Adil,” Toby sighed softly as Adil sucked a mark below his collar bone. “Promise me I’ll never have to live without you.”

“I promise,” Adil said softly, running his hand down Toby’s bare chest. There were still times he got scared…fearing the time when Toby would realize he was settling for Adil…that he could have someone so much better. It was his biggest fear…even having a secret relationship with a rich or aristocratic man would be so much more on Toby’s level.

But at the same time, Adil knew that would never happen. For some bizarre reason, Toby only wanted Adil. And they both knew they were forever.

The sensations of their intimacy would never grow old. Of course, they made love a number of different ways. They both considered that quite healthy. The two constantly switched between being on top and bottom. There were times where they were frenzied, fucking hard and fast…times where they took every second to go slow and just worship each other’s bodies…and everything in between. Adil and Toby both liked it like that. It all sort of worked with their relationship.

Tonight they were worshipping each other. How could they not after the past couple days? Their kisses were languid, deep and filled with emotion. Their hands were reaching everywhere they could, running over sensitive spots and teasing. Toby and Adil knew each other’s bodies very well by now…just as well as they knew their own bodies.

“Love you," Toby gasped as Adil flicked a tongue over his nipple. “Love you so much…”

“Love you so much, too,” Adil mumbled, kissing Toby’s stomach and going lower and lower, finally running his tongue up Toby’s hard cock. Toby gasped sharply again, biting his lip to hold back the loud cries wanting to force their way out.

When Adil took Toby in his mouth, Toby was unable to hold back a loud moan. He tangled his fingers in his lover’s hair as Adil licked and sucked at his cock. “ _God_ …feels so good…”

Adil looked up mischievously, giving the tip of Toby’s erection a final flick of his tongue before making his way back up Toby’s body. Toby was already gasping, pulling Adil down for a deep kiss. “I know it was only a few days…but I missed this so much,” Adil mumbled, working a lubricated finger into Toby.

Toby’s head fell back against the pillow. “I did, too. You complete me, Adil…”

Working a second finger inside Toby, Adil moaned softly at the sounds his lover was making. He felt like he could come undone just listening to that. “Love you…”

“Need you inside me, Adil. Need you inside me so bad…”

Adil lined himself up, wrapping one of Toby’s legs around his waist as he pushed in, moaning at the sensation of being inside his lover again. Toby caught his eyes for a moment before pulling him flush for a deep kiss, their hands finding each other against the bed and their fingers intertwining.

Pulling back slightly, Adil kissed up Toby’s neck, teasing the sensitive spot behind his ear with his tongue. Toby gave a broken gasp, squeezing his lover’s hand tight. As Adil started to move inside him, Toby’s head fell back with a breathy moan, giving the other man better access to his neck. Adil knew exactly how to work Toby, how to bring those noises out of him and make him feel the best pleasure.

Toby knew the same, running his free hand down Adil’s back before digging his nails into Adil’s shoulder. Adil let out a loud moan, angling up to find his lover’s sweet spot. He hit it with a deep thrust and Toby cried out.

“Oh God, Adil! Right there…oh _God_ , right there!”

Adil moved to thrust in harder and deeper, taking Toby’s cock and starting to stroke him in time with his thrusts. Toby just kept repeating Adil’s name, crying out louder and louder. “Adil…Adil, I’m going to come!”

One hand holding onto Toby’s and the other stroking him, Adil let out a soft growl. “Come for me, Toby. Come for me.”

With a loud cry he couldn’t even think of quieting, Toby came, his back arching as he released. A minute later, Adil thrust in deep, shooting his release deep inside of his lover.

He pulled out and the two kissed between pants, curling up together. “I love you so much,” Toby said softly. “ _God_ …I love you more and more every day. I’m so lucky.”

“You’re so _soppy_ ,” Adil teased, kissing him lightly.

“Mmm…I know you feel the same.”

“After everything we’ve been through…there’s no world without you, Toby Hamilton.”

“ _Now_ who’s being soppy?”

Adil laughed, pulling Toby closer and kissing his temple. “I love you too, Toby. So much.”

Things would probably never be the way Toby and Adil wanted them. They would probably never get to kiss and hold hands in public. They would probably never be able to tell anyone about their relationship. They would have fights and disagreements…but they would always work things out. Their own little world was theirs and theirs alone in many ways…and Toby and Adil would _never_ take that for granted. They had been through too much together…suffered too much. And they deserved their happy ending.

Cuddled up in bed, Adil sweetly rubbed his nose against Toby’s. Toby’s eyes fluttered shut, a wide grin on his face. “Mmm…feels nice.”

“Anything for you, Toby Hamilton,” Adil chuckled.

“All I need is you, Adil,” Toby’s eyes opened and caught Adil’s. The two men smiled, sharing another light kiss.

“And all I need is you.”

There would always be ways to make it work. Toby and Adil would live their lives the way they were meant to…together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for sticking with me through this one!
> 
> I'm working on something new that I think is going to be super cool. Hopefully the first chapter of that is up super soon!  
> I'm also working on some fanfiction for another fandom (I promised myself I wasn't going to, but here I am). It's for a book called Song of Achilles. Amazing book. Check it out!
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments along the way! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! And thank you for all the kudos and comments!


End file.
